Excuses, Excuses...
Hey folks, sorry for my apparent inability to post lately. If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you probably know that I have this strange compulsion to neglect posting, and then apologize for it. That's my way of doin' things.
My excuse this time is that I've been working on a stupid research paper. Yes, it's stupid, and no, I won't post it on here. No self-respecting human being would read the stuff I write for school. It's amazing how boring and uninspired something has to be in order to get an A... It's like the less the teacher enjoys reading through it, the higher the grade.
I fear for my future. By the time I've graduated highschool and college, I imagine I will have been reduced to writing expository papers on shoelace manufacturers in San Marino for fun. I say "for fun" because my writing will be so mind-numbingly bland by this time that no one would ever consider paying me for it.
Thus my life as a starving writer has begun before I was either starving, or a writer.
It seems that my parents are willing to contribute to this bright future in their own special way. I was recently informed that I must finish the research paper by April 30 (tonight), or face the consequences. Now, being as lazy and unmotivated as I am, I'm well acquainted with consequences, and just as I was considering whether or not it would be worthwhile to procrastinate a little while longer, I learned that the consequences would be my being kept from going to the prom.
The prom! I can't miss that! You can't be serious! I'm a good kid, with good grades, who will somehow finish all his work this year like he always does! Don't do this to me... I can't handle it!
My social life will be ruined! Girls will hate me! I'll never get married! Heck, I could very well meet my future wife at this prom (or discover who she is), so if I'm grounded, I will be something worse than a starving writer: I'll be a lonely starving writer.
Unless I write that paper... If the paper is written, then I will go to the prom, get married, and live a happy and fulfilled (though hungry) life. To me, the choice is clear.
It's going to be a late night at Neo's house...
UPDATE:
Let it be known that I, Neo, did in fact finish my paper on time and will be going to the prom. This, however, will do nothing to help my writing, and I don't believe there will be any ramen noodles for sale.
How depressing.
And... uh...
"All in all, I say that you need to hold down the fort and take the pond by it's ears. Who can stop you when you have a donkey? Or a ducky?"
That was, hands down, the single most amazing quasi-paragraph I have ever read. Ever.
And I didn't understand a word of it.
posted by jacob.thrasher @ 4/30/2006 09:04:00 PM
16 comments
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LOL!
Definately a good thing to get school done :) though, personally, skipping prom wouldn't be detrimental. Now, skipping the podcast.......thats another story ;)
have fun!
kp
Teachers really do make you write boring stuff. Whenever I had to write a paper though, I'd use all the emotional filler words - teachers love those. They really like it when you get deep and personal. FYI, my writing did suffer becuase of that, though. But it is getting back to some state of decency...finally. :-)
Did you get it done? Hey, at least you have a prom..*sigh* Is this your senior prom?
Aye Neo, I sympathize with ye. I too belong to that "Elite" team of time wasters. Also, in the last stretch of school(actually the last few weeks of it) I've been given the apparent "priviledge" to finish five count 'em five reports in less than four weeks. These include powerpoints,papers,and projects to go along with them. Outside ones as well. But if ye tell me that ye are going to prom then perhaps I'll be inspired not to fail this entire grade(lol)
The balance hangs with you Neo, please do well.
And to Black Mamba....that's what ye get for aving Jeddie deported.
do I know what you mean or do I know what you mean...
I can't help you with the writing, the job or the ladies but I know a few tricks to avoid starvation.
The key to anti-starvation in America is ramen. Despite what they tell you on the nightly news, absolutely no person in America with even limited mobility can starve without doing so on purpose. You can get ramen, 12 packs for a dollar. Assuming you eat one pack for each of your three daily meals you will need less than two dollars a week for food.
"But what about scurvey?" you say. "Sprite," says I. You can get a can of Sprite out of vending machines for 50 cents. If you buy the knock-off brand Sprite from the machines outside of Wal-Mart you can get it for a quarter a can. One can a week should provide enough Vitamin C, you really don't need that much to avoid scurvey. You are still under $2 a week.
At this point you might be saying, "But I'm poor, where will I find $2 every week."
Walk the mall and you will find more than $2 in change a week. If you're crippled and can't walk the mall you can beg. Crippled people can make bank begging.
Anyhow, I hope this helps you.
Its always comforthing to know that, Raben.
Neo, how long was the paper supposed to be?
wow! Yeah neo, you better show up to the prom, or...ok, I'm shuttin up now... very funny! =)love, katherine
Homeschoolers have proms where you're at? Dang. I think up here like, on average 2 people graduate from homeschooling a year, so proms kind of dont exist for us.
neo, you have a knack for hilarity. and writing. God bless you, man.
Oh. Dear. Me.
Ok, that post was just plain nonsense, but good nonsense. In fact, I feel a great urge to copy it all and change a few things. For example, I sorely suspect I will be under suspicion if I don't edit the 'ladies' to 'men'. And I still have about three days, thankfully, to A) finish outlining, B) write draft, C) proofread for final draft, and D) publish it to the World Wide Web for my scanty readers.
I myself am going through that Paper stuff. At least I'm brave enough to post it on my blog (as soon as it's done), and at least the topic interested me until I realized the enormity of the research I'd have to do. All in all, I say that you need to hold down the fort and take the pond by it's ears. Who can stop you when you have a donkey? Or a ducky?
Ramen, you say, Rabenstrange? He doesn't have to beg if I send him a pack of ramen. I have some sitting on our counter. ^_^ But he may have to resort to begging because I don't have Sprite. I rarely drink Sprite. Hence my scurvy. *sentimental sound*
poor neo. i know how that is. why, when you're the YOUNGEST PERSON IN THE FLIPPIN CLASS, do parents expect us to be like some sort of Einstein person? i think we're doin pretty good just BEING in the grades we are. research papers inhale profusely, as well.
I didn't deserve that, Neo. :( ..Or maybe I did.
You must agree, though, duckies are awesome...to take to the prom. (Note the lame tone of voice)
Quasi-paragraph? I need to use that some time. And I didn't know what it meant either. >_> Well, kinda sorta.
It's for blind people or something, I think. Apparently you can click on it and type in the numbers you hear. Although I don't know how the person would read the post in the first place to comment on it...
That, my friend, was an excellent post. :) Although...really, I don't see the point in proms. But hey, I don't have anything against them--I just personally think it would be more fun to see a scary movie. Or write.
Emily: I've always wondered how blind people find brail...
I posted a new article...check it out! :)
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