Why Liberals Don't Write Famous Children's Stories

Okay, so imagine a world where liberals were the only ones who wrote children's stories. Scary huh? If you can't visualize it, let me help you with these examples of politically correct and left leaning variations of classic stories.

Little Red Riding Hood would read:
Red: Why Grandmother, what a small welfare check you have!

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The Tortoise and the Hare would read:
Tortoise: Yay! I won the race!

Hare: What?! There's no way I could have lost! I demand a recount!

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Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Would be titled:
Snow White and the Seven Gay Dwarves

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The Boy Who Cried Wolf would be titled:
The Bush Who Cried WMDs

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Frosty the Snowman would read:
Frosty: Oh no, I'm starting to melt!

Karen: Dang it, and it's all because of global warming!

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Cinderella would meet Princess Charming.

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Jack and the Beanstalk would read:
Jack's Mom: Quick Jack! Kill the Giant!

Jack: Not yet mom. I have to wait until I can prove that he has "a smoking gun."

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Chicken Little would read:

Chicken Little: THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF BUSH'S IRRESPONSIBLE ENVIRONMENTAL POLICIES!

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*Romeo and Juliet would read:
Juliet: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo, and didst thou remember to bring "protection?"



Okay, so Romeo and Juliet isn't actually a kids' story. Still, I couldn't resist...